Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in ragdollqt's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, September 2nd, 2006
8:27 am	The funny thing about rejection... Once upon a time... So I once had a crush on an Asian boy (ok, maybe I still do). He was extra cute. He was a little androgynous, in a very tasty way, and you know I like that. That's right, I like boys who look like pretty girls...is that strange? Anyway, he was always nice to me. He would stop working to talk to me and we would laugh about stupid stuff. It was just fun. I kept waiting for him to ask me out but I am not a very patient person and since I really wanted to see him naked and a date is usually the first step toward nakedness I decided to ask him. Stupid society norm, why can't people have sex first and THEN see if they are compatible? It would save a lot of time and, you know, be more fun. So the other day, I was looking extremely cute, and I decided to ask him if he wanted to go to a party with me. I tried to psych my self up for it but still waited until he was almost done with my order before I got up the nerve to ask (which in hindsight was pretty convenient). So I just sorta blurted out my question, "Hey, my friend is having a party next weekend and I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go with me?" I instantly started having flash backs to Mr. Gee-that-sounds-like-fun-can-my-girlfriend-come-too. But alas, I was not let down that easy. He looked amused at first, and I really thought he was going to say yes. But his amusement soon turned to disgust after he saw that I was not joking. "Heh, no!" Now, I want you to understand that it's not what he said, but how he said it that was somewhat...what's the word I'm looking for...devastating. Not only did he say no with enough rancor to melt my face, but he managed to say it so loudly that it left no one in line behind me wondering what was going on. In fact the guy behind me let out a nervous little giggle that left me feeling quite mortified. So I gathered up what little dignity I had left and took my receipt from his outstretched hand. I knew I had to say something of be forever ashamed of myself, so I said, "Oh. Ok. I understand. My best friend is gay." And then I promptly left the store, followed by much laughter I might add. I would like to think that they were laughing at him and not me but I'm not going to analyze it too much. Anyone who knows me would know that he could not possibly be gay...the gays love me and would jump at the chance to party with me. So there you have it. Brutal soul crushing public rejection. And yet, I survive to be rejected again. The saddest part, I never got to see his cute little Asian nakedness. ... Know and cute androgynous Asian boys you could set me up with? Current Mood: optimistic (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 1st, 2006
2:40 am	Better late than never Ug, I can't sleep and I have to be to work in less than 5 hours. So I thought I would take this time to tell everyone about my results. Better late than never, and to be quite truthful I was so relieved about not having cancer that I sorta just wanted to stop thinking about it...so after this I will. I have something called an adnexal tumor (not sure if that's spelled right). Apparently they happen all the time and clear up on their own with out any pain...unless they happen to be 13cm in diameter and twisted. I didn't even know a tumor could be twisted I think that might mean that it has a lot of blood vessels in it...I remember during my invasive ultra sound that the nurse commented on the steady pulse in the mass. Anywho the good news is, I mean aside from it being benign, surgery may not be necessary. They can use hormone treatments to try to shrink it down so that it will eventually clear up on its own. I'm excited about it (the not having surgery) because I guess the surgery has a high rate of causing infertility and if I ever decide to have kids I should probably try to be as fertile as possible. So there you have it. I need to make an appointment to see my OBGYN to have an MRI and then schedule lots and lots of pelvic exams so they can mark my progress on the hormone treatments. So no worries and hopefully no pain. I bet I can get more pain meds from my doc when I go...hmmmm.... Current Mood: awake (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 19th, 2006
11:45 pm	The human condition So I'm bouncing around on the web and I run into two people from my past, Clinton High to be exact. One of which had news about someone else from my past. They all seem to be living the "American Dream". They own their own homes, have high paying salaried careers, two cars in the drive, loving spouses, and 2.5 kids under foot. I, on the other hand, live with my brother in a crappy apartment. I work at a mindless and often frustrating job that rarely pays my bills. I don't have a car and have to beg rides from people. No spouse, not even a candidate for spouse. No children, which given the spousal situation is probably for the best. I'm on vacation and instead of going anywhere or doing anything fun I sit at home waiting for the phone to ring so that I can find out weather or not I fucking have cancer. So basically, at the game of life, I suck. At first I was really excited about meeting up with these people. But as the conversations went on I realized I have nothing to share with them. They talked about all these things I've never experienced and about problems I've never had. I basically just sat here and cried the entire time, which makes me not only lame but extremely pathetic as well. I thought about making stuff up when they asked me questions. How would they know? But the idea of doing that made me feel even worse. I just kept changing the subject back to them. I graduated from high school 11 years ago. 11 years. It was a painful experience. I'm grateful for what I have, but extremely bitter about what I don't have. To the point of not being able to be happy for that person. Ah, the human condition. I suppose everyone feels this way, but I really need to get over it. Current Mood: jealous (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, July 14th, 2006
4:22 am	Why does everything have to have a name? I woke up in a panic a few minutes ago. I'm talking heart-racing-sweat-drenched-I-can't-breath panic. I sat up, it was dark. I was trying really hard to remember what I had been dreaming about and I couldn't which made me panic more. It seamed really important...but I lost it. The harder I tried to remember the farther and farther away it got. I cried for quite a while. Then I got up and got a drink of water. Checked my email and cried some more...damn you Robert...I mean I love you sweetie. Now I'm kinda scared to go back to sleep which is silly. Right then, good night. Current Mood: anxious (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 13th, 2006
11:54 pm	I wish I were a pirate Queen...Arrrr So most of you know about my little trip to the ER the other day. I am sad to report that the crippling pain I was experiencing was not from my kidney stones. I have developed a mass on my right fallopian tube that may or may not be cancer. They did a couple of biopsies and I am waiting for the phone call that will either confirm or deny that little possibility. The way I see it is that even if it turns out to be cancer it's not like it's on an organ that will change the quality of my life when it's removed. So no worries...or at least very little worry (I'm only human after all). I was just talking to Jason and he had mentioned that he didn't know if I was going to be able to talk about it or not. I am not emotionally crippled (at least not about this). I am one of those people who freaks out about the little things and sorta lets the big things work themselves out. Not sure if that's healthy or not but it works for me. Thank you to everyone who came to the hospital to see me and a big thanks to Mark who loves me despite his earlier resistance. On to happier news. I am officially on my vacation now! I will not be going back to work until August 1st. Woot! And with all the recent hullabaloo my kidney surgery was canceled. So I can relax and enjoy my vacation. I am making plans with all my friends, some of whom I rarely see and I hope that everything works out. Current Mood: good (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, July 6th, 2006
11:07 pm	The silence in a scream The silence in a scream A nod of quick acceptance left me torn, I'm bleeding still. You offered me a hand up, then you moved in for the kill. I don't know who to cling to, in this game I fear I'm lost. I just wanted to feel normal, and I did, but at what cost? This ragdoll held her head high, though her smile cracked her skin. She fixed her bravest disguise, while her heart wept deep within. Eccentricities and wit, sweet compassion, colored twine, I've used them all to mend this broken body that is mine. You grinned with satisfaction as you bore witness to my fall. You think it doesn't matter...a ragdoll's not a person after all. Mollie, 7-06-06 For everyone who's ever made me feel like I was worthless. Current Mood: crushed (Comment on this)
3:43 am	The most evil set of eyes ever framed by a mullet So I have been uber bitchy lately (surprise, surprise), mostly due to a nasty chemical burn that I am suffering from that wakes me up over and over again through out the night. Sigh, I miss sleep. I told Jason I was having troubles with my latest little boo boo and he called Jennifer and she had some good news and bad news for me. The bad news is that the cortisone cream I had been using has an antibiotic in it that irritates burns which may be why I'm having so much trouble with it. The good news is she knew exactly what to do about it. I will get some benadryl cream tomorrow and start using that. It should cut down on the itchy stingy symptoms. She also suggested making a paste out of baking powder to relieve my discomfort with at night. Thank you Jennifer!!! As for the flaking from my head burn, that will just have to work itself out. I still have one scaly part on my shoulder but other than that it's mostly gone. On to happier things. Pirates opens this week and I am so excited!!! I love me some Jack Sparrow ^_^ Carrie and I are going to make a day of it. We are going to get some greasy fast food and watch the first movie because, if you can believe it, she has never seen it! OMG! She so needs a little Jack Sparrow action. Then we are going to go see the new one. It's going to be so much fun! My vacation is rapidly approaching which unfortunately means my surgery is also drawing near. I want to get it over and done with but am worried about the pain. I remember all to well the horribly tragic fiasco that was my last surgery. *shudder* Let's hope this goes better. I am going to tell them very firmly that I need pain pills before the operation so that I have them for the recovery. Last time I had to wait for them as I had Ken get them for me. I couldn't really go myself because I had a 13 inch tube hanging out of my body and taped to my leg. Ew. We are going to try sound this time but that means lots of stone passing "fun". I want to make sure I have the Percoset on hand for that little party. Well I should probably get going. I have to close the store tomorrow, let's hope it goes better than last time. Wish me luck! Current Mood: cranky (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 25th, 2006
11:30 pm	I'll see you in Hell So, I had a horrible weekend. One of the worst I've had in a long time. Let me put it this way, the one good thing that happened this weekend was me starting my period - I was a bit worried for a while there. Let's start with friday night. I had to work a long shift at work, 12 to close, but that's par for the coarse some days. I was closing manager which meant that I wasn't stuck behind the copy center all night which is a nice change of pace every once in a while. I had 4 closers working with me. Josh, Garrison, Takarra, and Kandra. Most of you have no idea who these people are and that's ok, it doesn't really matter. Anyway, we have a backroom that is full of stock that needs to go out plus we are supposed to get 11 pallets in in the morning. So I assign every one tasks so that we can get our work done and still get out at a decent time. The managers have gotten in the habit of having us leave at 9:30. I am fine with that on some nights, but there are nights when the store just needs to stay open longer so that we can stay on top of things. We have freight piling up and the store is a mess. But still we leave at 9:30. Grrr. Back to the point. I have never had a problem with anyone not listening to me when I was in charge before. But Friday night my stockers didn't want to...well, stock. I told them we only had to do 6 u-boats and then we could go, but they were dragging their feet. Garrison kept coming up to me every 15 minutes to tell me how long he thought we were going to have to stay if we did all the freight that I had assigned. News flash, we will get done a lot sooner if you shut the hell up and move your ass. Josh...well I don't really know what Josh was doing. I never saw the boy. He didn't answer my pages half the time and the freight wasn't getting done so who knows what was going on. Anyway, fast forward to the end of the night. I pretty much got nothing but threats about when people were leaving weather we were done or not, and a lot of sulking that we didn't leave until about 9:45. The freight was not done, but I decided to cut my losses and make a fresh start in the morning since I was opening the store. Saturday morning dawns and I drag myself to work. While I'm waiting for another associate to get there so that I can go in something tragic happens. I apparently was making one of the birds nesting in our sign nervous so it swooped down at me. Only it missed and crashed into the window. It then fell to the ground and proceeded to squeak and twitch. I was out there with that bird for a good 15 minutes before I could get into the store. I went and got some gloves on so that I could "take care" of the poor little birdie. After finishing with that unpleasantness, I went about my normal morning routine. We were about to open for the day when I noticed some returns that hadn't been put away the previous night and went to take care of them. I was walking down isle 2 and my feet flew out from under me and I cracked my head open on the floor. There was shredder oil all over the place...like in my hair and on my clothes not to mention all over the isle. I fell hard and hobbled to the back to sit down for a bit. Kandra comes in and I tell her what happened and she tells me that she had noticed it last night. She said she asked Josh if he was going to clean it up and he had said "F-that". After Kandra goes to the front I start to remember some things Garrison had said to me while he was "working". He had told me early in the evening that he had slipped while helping a customer. He is almost as clumsy as I am so this did not seem all that out of place. I told him to go push freight. Later that night he came back to me again and had said that he had found a bunch of shredder oil. I thought at the time he had meant in with the office supplies freight. So I told him to put it up. After the fall on my ass it became quite clear that he had been talking about the spill. So that makes a total of 3 employees who knew about the dangerous spill before we had closed. What if Brooke, my 8 month pregnant manager, had slipped on it? You can't see the oil on the floor. And the first people in the store on a saturday morning are very, very old. This could have been so much worse than me falling. I fall all the god-damned time. I'm mostly used to it. Someone else could have been seriously hurt. Grrr. So after work on saturday I decide that I deserve to pamper myself a bit. I decided to be all gilrly and bought some girly stuff that I had never used before cuz it's so expensive. I purchased some veet (bladeless shaving kit) and some hair glaze to put some of the red back into my sun bleached hair. Well I get home and I use both products and am mostly happy with the results. As part of my "pamper myself" time I decide to take a nap. I would say about 3 hours later I wake up in extreme amounts of pain. I now have a blistery rash all over my legs where the veet was applied. Yup, from ankle to thigh. But that's's not all. I also seem to have developed a ver ichy rash on my head, forehead, ears, shoulders, and back from the hair glaze. I have NEVER been allergic to any cosmetics and somehow I managed to pick out 2 in one night that I am obviously allergic to. Grrr. So I spent most of the night trying to sleep in a sitting position in my desk chair so that my legs wouldn't brush up against anything. Cuz let me tell you they fucking hurt. So I had very little sleep and two very different yet horrible rashes while I worked my 10 hour sunday shift. Thank goodness I have Monday off. I was going to go with Jason to his grandmothers house but that so isn't happening now. I called him and cried out my lament. He listened and offered empathy, which is all you need sometimes to feel a little bit better. We joked about how we do that a lot...call and cry. I think it's a good thing though. It helps. Well I'm off to bed...er chair to sleep...hopefully. I open the store on Tuesday so wish me lots of luck. Current Mood: drained (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 22nd, 2006
12:13 am	That's fucked up! So the weather has really sucked all night. A lot. The power kept going out and I don't have any candles or anything so I just sorta cowered by the door wall for the little bit of light the frequent lightning would offer. Well at some point during the blackness I decided to go to the bathroom. There are no windows in the bathroom so its uber dark in there but I pretty much know where everything is and figure I can handle it. So I get just inside the bathroom door and walk smack into god's biggest spider. Seriously it practically knocked me down and tried to steal my wallet. Actually it bounced off my cheek and then clung to my chin and skittered up my face, then after a brief romp in my nostril, it decided to take refuge in my hair. I handled it well though. ... Ok, I screamed and flung my self to the floor while simultaneously beating my self in the head, rolling around on the carpet, and shrieking like an infant. But only for like 20 minutes. It was dark and I have no idea what happened to the spider. I would like to think that I killed it so forcefully that it now resides in hell with all the racists and republicans. (I know that's a bit redundant but leave me alone I have suffered some serious trauma tonight!) So six showers and several "do you see a spider on me's" later, I think I have settled down. ... (Shudder) I hate spiders!!! On to other news. Tomorrow I have to go and buy some new clothes. I HATE SHOPPING FOR CLOTHES!!!!!! So our new manager at work is actually enforcing policies like "attendance" and "dress code". I have to buy black slacks (no jeans) and black socks. Who the hell looks at my socks? OMG! I'm psyched if they both happen to be the same color but now I have to find two black socks. I hate black socks. They are scratchy and they leave dark fuzzies on my feet. Grr. AND I have to wear a belt. WTF? If my pants aren't falling down around my ankles why the hell do I need to wear a belt? I hate belts. I'm gonna cut the fucking loops off any pants I find and say they weren't made for a belt. Belts. Whatever. I have these nightmare visions of having to stand with my palms on the wall with my legs braced apart for a dress code inspection at the beginning of my shifts. Some of the people I work with are a total mess, and Staples is worried about my fucking socks. That's fucked up. Current Mood: bitchy (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 15th, 2006
4:48 pm	Man down... So a good nights sleep, greasy KFC, and a little assault and battery later I feel so much better! In fact, I am actually looking forward to going to work tonight just so that I can get out of the house and start getting my life back on track...or at least back to the way things were. Last night...or actually around one this afternoon (leave me alone I am working midnights this week)...I wanted a drink of water really bad. So I got up and stumbled into the "kitchen" to quench my thirst. Actually what I had done was stumbled into my closet and was then visousely attacked by a pile of laundry, a clothes basket, and a rod full of hangers. I was surrounded and didn't stand a chance. I ended up cutting my hand on...well I don't really know what I cut my hand on...I also cut my toe on the basket before falling and hitting my head on my dresser, and I was still thirsty. So it sucked on many levels. I'm so glad I can share these things with you, my friends, who don't pass judgment on me. In my defense I was still mostly asleep. And I suppose this incident is as good as any to reiterate that things are back to normal...ish. Current Mood: happy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, June 9th, 2006
3:04 pm	Bad boys, bad boys... So I slept all morning, until around 3-ish which felt great. What didn't feel great was listening to the troubling messages left by Jason on my VM. I feel really bad that I wasn't there for him but I never even heard the phone. Which is weird cuz it was right next to my head...I must have been sleeping on my good ear. If you don't know what happened to Jason fret not. He will probably be on an upcoming episode of COPS. Earlier today, I don't know exactly when, I had crossed my arms over my breasts (as I was only wearing my panties) and I stumbled out of my room to pee. To my surprise (I honestly don't know why this surprises me anymore) there were a couple of repair men trying to fix my AC standing in my kitchen. I sorta walked toward them because I didn't have my glasses on and wasn't exactly sure what was going on as I had just gotten up. There was a long silence followed by one word. "Maintenance?" It was actually more of a question than a statement and all I could do was grunt ok and proceed with my original toilet plans. They were still in the kitchen when I stumbled back to bed. The good news is my AC is working the way it's supposed to now. I am going to go take a shower and get dressed now. I'm on my way out to dinner with friends. Jason, thank you so much for saving me from my shopping nightmare, but next time, you don't have to be so extreme. But I suppose anything worth doing is worth doing right. Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 8th, 2006
7:57 pm	Blah So a boy improved and "sang" a rap song for me today. Here is the part I remember: Mo-llie You're reminding me of Do-lly Parton-I beg your pardon But if beauty was a cigarette, girl, you'd be a carton... I was having a bad day and it made me giggle...and blush a little. So I have to find and buy a dress tomorrow. I'm Jason's date for a wedding on Saturday and I have nothing to wear. Some how I don't think a pair of raggedy jeans and a t-shirt that says "come my stink children" is going to cut it. I hate shopping for dresses because designers hate fat chicks. I am very certain that most of the clothes I see tomorrow are going to be the things nightmares are made of. But I never shrink from a challenge. Even if I do find the perfect dress tomorrow, it's not like I'm gonna look all girly and cute. I will probably end up looking like a bull dyke trying to pass as straight by wearing a skirt and hanging out with my queer "boyfriend". Oh well. Maybe I can pull off something punky and everyone will just think I'm eccentric. So wish me luck...shit, I have to buy shoes too. Grrr. I hate shopping. The only thing I hate more than shopping is shopping alone. Last time I did that I was so desperate for companionship that when I saw my friend Nick I ran up and punched him in the arm while shouting "What's up, Jack-ass!" only to discover that it wasn't Nick but a very confused and somewhat pissed off stranger. I didn't find a dress that day, but he didn't press charges, so it was kind of a bitter sweet trip. Blah. I get to hang out with Karen and Billy tomorrow so the day probably wont be a complete wash. And I have the next FOUR DAYS OFF!!!!! Which rocks like...a thing that rocks...a lot. I plan to sleep at least one day away. I am so worn out. And it's not the I-was-up-all-night-having-mind-blowing-sex worn out but the my-manager-walked-out-so-I-had-to-work-for-like-two-weeks-straight-with-out-a-break-or-so-much-as-a-thank-you-how's-your-mom sort of way. But I have a break at last...until I go on midnights next week for the reset... Blah. Just, blah. Current Mood: blah (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 6th, 2006
11:47 pm	A lesson learned When I was a little girl...well younger anyway...we used to play a game in school called "Hearsay" (I have recently discovered that it is sometimes called telephone). I'm not sure exactly what this game is supposed to teach children exactly, the teacher told us it was a team work exercise or some shit. If you don't know how to play you basically get a large group of people together and sit them in a circle. Then one person is chosen to whisper a sentence to the person on his/her right. That person then in turn whispers the same sentence into the next persons ear and so on. The object of the game is to have the sentence remain the same all the way around the circle. However, I am deaf in my right ear. I always have been. But when I told the teacher this and asked if we could play to the left instead of to the right she told me no. Instead she made me sit backwards so that I wouldn't inconvenience the other children. So I had to have my back to everyone which made me feel uncomfortable and out of place. To get back at her (because she hated it when the game wouldn't work), whenever the sentence got to me I would change it. This was my secret joy. I knew there was no way she could prove it was me. She would threaten us by telling us we couldn't play anymore if we didn't all work together. This was fine with me. One day when we were playing I changed the sentence like I always did, but when it got all the way around, the sentence had somehow managed to turn out the way it was originally supposed to be. It's hard for me to describe to you how I felt about that. Here I thought that I was being clever and getting back at everyone for making me feel awkward and left out. It made me feel like I couldn't win, like I was supposed to just let everyone decide for me what was for the best. I felt like some great cosmic force was telling me that I didn't matter. Well I'm sure my posture belayed the fact that I was upset that my little ploy hadn't worked. The teacher told the class that someone was not working with the others and she had wanted to teach them that lying was wrong even during something as innocent as a game. She had told the first and last person in the circle what to say, so that no matter what happened the game would be a success. She then told me, in front of the group, that I was no longer aloud to play with them because I didn't "work well with others". So every friday when they played the game I had to sit at my desk with my head down. I am sure she thought that she was punishing me, and at first it did feel that way. But I used the time to play my own games in my head. Yup she is the reason I turned out so weird. I would make up stories, or play rhyming games. I would basically daydream my friday afternoons away. So what did I learn from this? I learned that I may not be the most convincing lire, but who wants to be? Oh, I also learned that no matter how hard you try, you simply can not rhyme with orange. Not sure exactly what I was exactly trying to accomplish by writing this down...not like it has a feel good ending. I didn't have an epiphany and my life was not dramatically altered by this encounter. Just thinking about the past a lot lately. Wondering what events made me...well me. Current Mood: contemplative (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 31st, 2006
8:50 pm	Reflections I spent most of the day alone today...poor poor me. It was super hot when I walked home so I was gonna jump in the shower when I got home - but then thought of my tendency to be not so graceful, so I cautiously stepped into the shower instead. It was good...as good as a shower can be when you're in there alone. While I was in the shower I started to plan the rest of my day. That's when I realized that: 1. I don't have any money 2. It's fucking hot outside, and 3. all my friends are either working or still sleeping. That's when I decided that a nap sounded like an excellent plan. So I get out of the shower, dry off, and lay down in my nice soft bed. Unfortunately it's too quiet outside and too noisy inside my head to really make much headway in the nap department. So I decide I'll play my game. By the time I got to the living room I had lost interest in game playing and sat on the sofa and tried to come up with a better plan. About halfway through my second rendition of "Rock Lobster" I decided to do the neighbors a favor and watch TV instead. Ghost Hunters was on so I watched that for about three hours when all of a sudden it starts raining. It was like extreme rain, with hail and stuff, but I'm too into my show to think much about it. Then it suddenly stopped raining. That is when I started to hear the thunder. But it wasn't like the thunder that usually causes me to revert to a frightened six year old child, it sounded all funny and almost hollow. Then I heard the best movie-special-effect wind I had ever heard. That's when my neighbors started to freak out. I was kinda pissed cuz all the noise was drowning out my TV so I peeked out the window to see who I had to render unconscious so that I could get back to doing nothing. To my great surprise I see a tornado trying to touch down in my parking lot. ... huh. ... It never actually came all the way down to the ground and there was this big hole in the clouds and I could see the very blue sky on the other side of them. It was actually really cool looking until the gap started to close and the tornado started trying to touch down again. That's when I realized that I was going to die in a tank top with my hair wrapped into tiny buns on either side of my head. It was not a pleasant realization to be sure...I wasn't even wearing pants. It was then that I started wondering who would find my body, and where it would be found after being sucked out of my apartment. About halfway through a very touching eulogy at my funeral I realized it was raining again and I was therefore no longer in danger. After this close brush with death I decided to take better care of myself so that in the event of a disaster I wouldn't be that fat girl in the tank top some guy found in his yard. I was almost past the sofa on my way to my room when I decided changing into disaster appropriate clothes, just so I wouldn't be embarrassed after I was already dead, was just too much work. So I sat back down and watched four more hours of Ghost Hunters. All in all, it was a pretty full day. Current Mood: crazy (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006
1:55 am	Once upon a time... I moved to Ann Arbor about 10 years ago. I consider myself a likable person. Iv'e never had any real trouble making friends. It was for this reason that the move here didn't frighten me all that much. I new that I would soon nestle myself into a close-knit group of people who would become my family here. Little did I know that I would meet a girl named Karen, and that she would find me abrasive and...stupid. This thoroughly puzzled me. Not the fact that she thought I was stupid, because though I try to hide it I am pretty stupid...sometimes. The part that confused me was the genuine hatred this girl had for me. She even thought that I sucked the intelligence out of people which was the only way she could fathom that I would even have friends. She would lash out at me with her wicked tongue and try to glare me out of existence whenever we happened to be hanging out with the same crowd, but I never let it faze me (I just cried myself to sleep every night). Be it through my sucking of intelligence or my natural wit and charm I finally wore her down and she became one of my best friends. I mean sure I stuck my finger in her doughnut, and ok yes I did kick her in the hole once but she has stuck by me through the good times and the bad. I guess what I'm trying to say is that something earned is sweeter than something given and I truly treasure our friendship. I love you Karen and I will always be there for you...unless you glare, then I will be...over here...for you. Current Mood: grateful (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, May 19th, 2006
6:07 pm	Pornagain O.k. so like 3 or 4 years ago I threw this b-day party for a friend of mine. She really liked strange and unusual porn. So being the nice person that I am I got her a porn titled "Under the Rainbow" which starred...you guessed it...midgets. It was great let me tell you! Not great in a kinky-funny-feeling-in-my-belly-someone-get-me-a-towel-way but super funny and somehow cute. I highly recommend it. Great family fun. Anyway the point of this is that a couple of years later a girl came up to me on the street, pointed at me, and asks "Midget porn?" WTF! That is not how I want to be recognized on the street by random people. Anyone passing by probably thought that I had been in midget porn, not rented it for my roommate. So fast forward to yesterday. I am talking to a guy I work with and he mentions the fact that we finally got cable internet. "Are you going to be doing a lot of online gaming?", he asked innocently enough. I shake my head no. "Oh, downloading a lot of porn huh?", he says in a knowing voice. WTF! Here comes the stigma of porn again this time thrown in my face at work. And of course this guy has like one volume so everyone is staring at me. So I smile and say "Yup, big porn junkie. Can't get enough of the porn." Why didn't he conclude that maybe me and Kenny sometimes want to be on line at the same time? Or that I love flash animations like "Tiny plaid ninjas" (which so kicks ass by the way)? How do you jump from gaming to porn? Is it me? Do I put off some sorta porny vibe? Any way to make a long story less long he really gave me something to think about. I now know that I can download as much porn as I want in half the time it used to take me. Current Mood: confused (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 18th, 2006
12:24 pm	LJ Slut I have something to tell you and it's not going to be easy. I have been seeing other people. It's not you, it's me. We can still be friends though, right? Find me on MySpace and be my friend! So if you don't catch me here, drop me a line at MySpace. Current Mood: bouncy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 17th, 2006
4:26 pm	I LIVE!!!!! You didn't think I'd be gone forever? Current Mood: silly (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 27th, 2005
2:28 am	Fuck I am really quite freaked out. Maybe I am over reacting but I feel very vulnerable right now. I am starting to hate it here. When I first moved here, like a decade ago, some wack-job in a black SUV tried to force me into his car. I thought he was trying to steal my purse so I dropped it but he was quite literally carrying me towards his car. I swung around and tried to punch him in the face but I missed. I ended up punching him in the throat and got away while he was choking. I ran up to a gas station and they called the police. The police took my statement but pretty much made it seam like I was the one to blame for the encounter since I had been walking by myself in the middle of the night. A couple of years later I was on a bus on my way to work when a creepy homeless looking guy sat right next to me on the empty bus and began to fondle himself while staring at me. I got up an went to the front of the bus. A couple of minutes later the man got up and came to the front of the bus where he preceded to shove his penis in my face while jerking off. I screamed and almost caused the driver to crash the bus. The driver had to force the guy away from me and off the bus. He called into the depot and drove me directly there where I had to give a statement and description to the police. Tonight on my way home a man in a car stalked and harassed me. The worst part is that I had nowhere to go for help so I hurried to my apartment and now that fucker knows where I live. I am really worried that he is going to be waiting for me somewhere and nobody is going to be with me to help me. I hope that if I get raped he has no diseases, and if I get murdered I really hope I get shot or strangled because getting stabbed to death scares me more than anything else. Mostly I just hope it's over quickly. The odds of anything happening may be very unlikely, but usually if something is going to happen it happens to me. I know I would be safer if I had a car, but I don't and have no hope of getting one anytime soon. I feel so helpless...a professional victim. Current Mood: scared (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 19th, 2005
6:26 pm	Mercy is not an option! Dear God, I got the shingles you sent me. Fuck you. Un-love, Me So I'm thinking of changing my career goal from underpaid copy center lacky to Super Villain. I know I will have to put in some wicked hours but in the end I think it will be worth it. The sooner I get started, the sooner I can enjoy the fruits of my limitless power and revel in my own greed and debauchery...sounds good to me. Now lets see, I'll need to make a name for myself by performing some infamous exploit...Any ideas? Hmm... We'll come back to that. I will need to amass a horde of evil minions as well...any volunteers? Come on, you know you want to serve in my evil ranks...it'll be fun. For now I will just bide my time, but mark my words, ALL will fear and worship me. Current Mood: devious (1 Comment |Comment on this)